Greenock News Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent editors argue about the collective noun for people from The Strone. Stronian? Stronish? Strogins? Stroge Ins?

Local single mother Aggie McSenga, fae The Strone, has got in touch with your only trustworthy local news source The Inverclyde Independent to demand action after River Clyde Homes refused to send in Rentokil for a mouse infestation, telling her – “Your boggin kitchen is the reason you have mice, ya clatty bastard”. She said, […]

Greenock’s Cat Man in new life direction!

Inverclyde Independent Banned From Morton Facebook Page

Larkfield to be twinned with Sarajevo’s Alipašino polje-A Faza district

Independent’s Facebook Status Breaks Laws of Physics

News Gourock ScotRail

Confusion as man of indiscriminate racial origin seen getting on train

There was shock and confusion today on the Wemyss Bay line when a man got on the train at Whinhill and alighted from Branchton. One spokesman for First ScotRail said “Have you ever heard the word alighted away from a train station? Can you alight from a bus? I’m away to get a dictionary” Shocked commuter Inigo […]

Greenock News Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent editors argue about the collective noun for people from The Strone. Stronian? Stronish? Strogins? Stroge Ins?

Local single mother Aggie McSenga, fae The Strone, has got in touch with your only trustworthy local news source The Inverclyde Independent to demand action after River Clyde Homes refused to send in Rentokil for a mouse infestation, telling her – “Your boggin kitchen is the reason you have mice, ya clatty bastard”. She said, […]

News Magazine Local Bampots Ranting

Angus MacBile outs the scum of Inverclyde.

In another regular segment we have asked roving reporter Angus MacBile, pictured above, to go out and find the scummiest cunts in all over Inverclyde and, at a push, Skelmorlie. Today he lets us know about one vile cretin who, we all agree, is worse than the Yorkshire Ripper and only half as handsome. Community […]

Politics News Local Bampots

Council infighting damages Inverclyde council’s twitter sign!

Shockwaves were felt in the chambers at Inverclyde Council this afternoon as arch-rivals and social media enemies Councillors McEleny and McCabe attempted to out-troll each other over their favourite pet projects. After an afternoon of noising each other up on Twitter and trying desperately to get attention on Facebook, they each submitted proposals at the […]

News Football Sport Local Bampots

Local Rangers Supporter Lambasts Local Italians

Lifelong Rangers and Sevco supporter Billy Krowbar has been cautioned by police after a furious exchange with some local Scots-Italians. Just before boarding the Rangers supporter’s bus to Fife, bypassing the home grounds of Greenock Juniors, Greenock Morton and Port Glasgow juniors, all before he left the council area he has lived all his life, […]

Greenock News Local Bampots

Greenock’s Cat Man in new life direction!

Famous Greenock resident “Cat Man” has had a change in luck and lifestyle when it was announced today he will be earning literally dozens of pounds in celebrity endorsements as he becomes the new face of Whiskas cat food. “We all know cats like to eat rodents but we want people to realise they prefer […]

Politics News Local Bampots

Local Councillor To Remain in Place After Bizarre Deodorant Accident

Cllr Michael McCormick has vowed to continue his work in improving lives of his ward constituents despite a bizarre accident after using his wife’s deodorant when in a rush before work today. “I’d just came out the shower and was in a rush so picked up the wife’s BO Spray and within an hour my […]

Politics News

Teenage bawbag unaware of internet

Teenage UKIP candidate Michael Burrows, aged 17 but still stuck in 1973, was shocked to find out today that his name and choice of political party and ridiculous political association with them will still be around when he’s 29 and looking for a proper job. “I remember my mate Rydo got a tattoo earlier in […]

Morton Greenock News Football Sport Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent Banned From Morton Facebook Page

In news scarily reminiscent of the Hugh Scott era Greenock Morton have banned Greenock’s ONLY reliable source of football news from their facebook page. We asked a senior staff member at Cappielow, who recently cost the club thousands of pounds by not being able to check the fucking rules about players playing for three clubs […]

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