News Gourock ScotRail

Confusion as man of indiscriminate racial origin seen getting on train

There was shock and confusion today on the Wemyss Bay line when a man got on the train at Whinhill and alighted from Branchton. One spokesman for First ScotRail said “Have you ever heard the word alighted away from a train station? Can you alight from a bus? I’m away to get a dictionary

Shocked commuter Inigo McClafferty said “At first I thought it was just some guy with a tan back from his holidays but my mate said he looked Turkish. I just don’t know what to believe.”

Train conductor Barry Bendlehall said “I have to keep an eye out for those Arabs on the train in case they try to do to Branchton what they did to the Twin Towers but I was pretty sure this guy was half cast. Like that black fella who plays for Celtic.”

Do you know this man? Is he Samoan? Native American? Or just a particularly swarthy Jew? If you can help us identify this man please contact us via Childline for a chance to win a bag of sweeties.

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