Despite never attending a rally, joining a political group or party or voting it seems that Aristotle McGeorge has every right to be dismayed at being overlooked at the last three Swedish humanitarian and science awards ceremonies.
“I’ve put my name down on over 400 petitions since the first one I saw about giving returning soldiers two votes in general elections instead of one because they’re more important” McGeorge softly purred.
“I’ve signed them all: Make November 5th a National Holiday; Free Chips for Diabetic Orphans; Warning Labels on Model Trains to promote breast cancer awareness; Dances With Wolves to be stripped of Best Oscar and have it awarded to Goodfellas. Even the stupid ones like making companies under government contract to pay the living wage and renationalising the railways. I doubt you’ll find anyone else who’s given more to make Britain great again!”
McGeorge’s neighbour and convicted arsonist Bella Under-the-Bridge was shocked at the news “I know I wrote to them. I even used thon google translate to write it in Swiss because I don’t know if those Swedish people can even speak proper English like us can do.”
McGeorge believes political correctness is the problem. “When was the last time you saw a white guy win it? I’m not saying the Dalai Lama or Bruce Obama didn’t deserve a shot at it but it smacks of affirmative action to me. We’ll probably see Mugabe win it before someone white like The Pope or Keith Chegwin.”
Magnus Karllstrom from the Nobel Institute responded by saying McGeorge was in the running but was ruled out after his prior conviction for blowing up a porpoise was released to the press.“
”It was a fucking dolphin and, if you were there, you would know it was either me or him. Anyone would have done the same thing in my situation.“ retorted McGeorge in a hastily worded tweet.
In other news, Keith Chegwin has been hung for crimes against the state in Zimbabwe. Clearing the road for Mugabe to win the award this year.