Local philosopher, Parlsey Boneslush, has came up with a new philosophical theory that has caused ripples across the lush still pond of theological and secular debate.
“Ripples!?” Bellowed The Archbishop of Canterbury “This is a tidal wave. All the major philosophical and ecumenical questions have been flipped. Black is now white. Dogs are now cats. Up is now down. Rangers are now Newcastle United U-21s. I’m away for a lie down.”
Famed Chinese academic, Chun Li, has flown direct from a top summit in Pyongyang, North Korea, to hear the stories for himself. A top spokesman for the Chinese Government denied rumours the political party in the communist state has went into lockdown until his return.
Amongst the journalists from the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, El Mundo and Gardeners Weekly we at the Independent were not overawed. We strutted to the front like Michael Beck in The Warriors and got all those Pulitzer prize-winning bawbags scattered like The Baseball Furies. Telt.
In his only interview until after his meetings with the Dalai Lama, Rod Stewart and Fray Bentos Mr Boneslush explained his theory.
“See when the train’s broke doon, aye? They call it the bus replacement service, don’t they? But it’s naw a bus that’s gettin’ replaced is it? It’s a train. It should be called the train replacement service. Because yer replacing a train.”