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BEANZ MEANZ CRIMEZ!
By Dick Beavers, carnivore Not content with making sure that you know at every opportunity that they LOVE ANIMALS MOAR THAN YOU, vegans everywhere are FEWMIN’ that corporate monsters HEINZ have elected to use a honey-based sweetener in their popular BEANZ range due to fears over government taxes on sugar, thus making their products non-vegan […]
Puddles of Fun
“I’ve been wet as an otter’s pocket all week” Pharmaceutical companies are pleased to announce the arrival of over the counter sales of the female arousal pill ‘Niagara’ The new drug has made a splash in Inverclyde with ladies reporting flow of 3160 tons per minute. We spoke to some ladies outside the chemist who […]
Esplanade swans ask “Can you all just fuck off”
Having just hatched four cygnets this week, Esplanade swans Tam and Agnes Swan have requested that the people of Inverclyde “just fuck off and leave us alone” after wave upon wave of gawping punters come to have a look at the new family. “We picked the splash because we thought it would be relatively quiet, […]