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Greenock loses new health centre after drugs scandal

Greenock’s less trustworthy and more absorbent newspaper, The Greenock Telegraph, has today reported that Greenock has beaten Clydebank in the race to have a new health centre but Inverclyde Indepedent’s sources say that Greenock will be suspended and disqualified after the Provost failed a mandatory drugs test after the race.

According to IOC drug testing official, Erican but-Erniecant, a urine test completed just after the race showed that Provost Robert Moran was had trace elements of Human Growth Hormone, Anabolic Steroids and the blood from a cloned Dromeosaur of unkown species in his system.

Reaching back onto his clawed legs and baring his incisors the Provost ripped open the sternum of our reporter before fleeing out the window. Luckily the reporter was only on work experience and no-one bothered learning her name in the first place so no-one important was harmed.

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