Magazine Lonely Hearts

Everyone’s favourite Agony Uncle Fin G. Herbang answers your letters

In a NEW segment world renowned relationship expert and amateur rodeo clown Fin does his best to dish out the best of advice to the residents of Inverclyde and beyond. Don’t be afraid to write in via PM for your own piece of advice!

Dear Fin

My husband has recently started gardening late at night. It started a few months ago after our daughter “left home to go to collage”. I am worried something is wrong with such a strange pass time. I asked his mother whom he has always been extreamly close to her, but she was not able to shed any light on it. He has even built a new patio. I’m not sure what to do, Please Helpthanks. 

Mrs R West

Hmmm. Well this does sound odd but a new hobby is nothing to fear. Many men and women in their middle age look for something knew after the kids start to leave home. Try talking to him offer to help him; you may even find something you can do together.

Dear Fin

my boyfriend has always been keen on motor cycles but he has become verry distant and spend most of his time on the internet looking at pictures and videos of bikes. I have tried tempting him away, asking to go out for a meal or the cinema, I even tried some saucy underwear but that didn’t work either. I’m at my witts end and have no idea whats wrong. 

Miss Clair H

Well Clair I can see why you are upset as it can be hard to know what your partner is thinking. Some things are certain though: If food, or sex wont get him interested in you then you have either put on weight or annoyed him somewhat. Give up and move on fatty: he is too good for you.

Dear Fin.

I was asked out by a guy that I thought was a fictional character, but now I know he is real and is very handsome. I realize I have made a terrible mistake but it is now quite akward because I thought he was imaginery.

Anon

Wow… how does that even happen? The poor chap finally plucked up the courage to ask you out and you assumed he was imaginary and turned him down. It dose sound like you made a terrible mistake. Just ask him out and see where it leads.

Dear Captain Herbang

I have been with my GF for 2 and a half years, we live together and she always used to make bacon sandwich for me every saterday morning. But since new year she has refused to and won’t give me an answer when I ask why. What do you think is going on?

Mr O M Goody

Well Mr Goody it sounds like someone has been put on a diet! You may have noticed that you have put on a few lbs or there are wedding magazines turning up around the house. Alternatively how about you make your own breakfast. Make her some too you lazy fuck.

Dearest Fin

My girlfriend really likes it when I go down on her. I am particuarly good at it and can keep her plesured for hours. The thing is she likes it so much that she even want’s me to go down on her when it is her time of the month, I think this is a bit disgustign. What would you do.

Tam P

Well tam. There is only one thing to do.Let it flow, let it flow  let it flow. It’s a rich source of Iron and the metallic taste really clings to your pallete and improves the flavour of any steak afterwards.
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