Binge drinking Andy Menteith, 44, ended up on swedgers for the first time in over a decade the other night, after his regular drinking buddies went home early and he ended up in the company of a few younger people he vaguely knows.
The father of three normally hits the Jimmy Watt for a few Stellas with his mates on a Friday then gets off up the road about 9 to tan a six pack of Strongbow.
He was right in the mood for a session last Friday so, when his pals started finishing up their pints, he decided to go and sit with a few twenty somethings he’s seen stand near him at the Morton games.
“I just went over for a chat about the fitba an’ wan o’ the boys asked me if I wanted a swedge. I used tae gub half a dozen a night so I double drapped right away.”
His younger, erstwhile drinking partner of the evening Stephen (spelt with a F) takes up the tale: “About half an hour later he came oot the bog and the sweat was pouring aff him and his face was going Picasso’d. We decided to head over to Red before he was too melted. Luckily he got in and after that it was chaos.”
Revellers recall Andy dancing on his own in the middle of the dance floor, taps aff, singing “I Am The Resurrection” over Drake and Nicki Minaj’s single “Only”.
“Eventually the DJ just turnt the music aff while we all stood and watched this specimen in wonder. It was beautiful. I wish I was a poet to fully capture the moment in words.”
After his 23 minute accapella cover was over he went to the smoking area where he tanned the rest of his 20 deck of JPS Superkings in under twenty minutes.
“By half past one he’s got gubbed into three lassies young enough to be his grandweans and, I think, one guy with long hair. Visibly sported a rager and tried teaching some lassies on a 19th birthday party how to play the puggy”