Orange Wok
Greenock News Food and Drink

New buffet for town. Most welcome.

The Oak Mall has today announced that a Northern Ireland themed Chinese buffet will open in the former JJB Sports retail unit.

Orange Wok will open on the Twelfth of July, catering for both sides of the religious divide.

Owner Brendan Paisley told the Inverclyde Independent “We chose Greenock for our restaurant for a few reasons. First of all, the number of people with either made-up Irish spellings of names or a random “H” thrown in somewhere. Secondly, they’ve got both The Brit and the Celtic Club within a 10-minute walk – ensuring a rich mix of pished, opinionated folk who are starving.”

Paisley added “The menu will feature Irish themed foods such as T-Boyne Steaks, The Mash my Father Wore, Simply the Breast of Chicken and The Fields of a Stir fry. Or perhaps some King Billy’s Chicken Balls? The fish and chips choice – For Cod and Ulster – will be a family favourite. And for hungrier patrons, we have the Ham Shankhill Road. All available with a side order of Union Rings.”

“We also cater for groups of patrons – our sharing platter, The Feaster Rising, will easily serve 4, whereas if you’re just looking for a snack, you can order some Bobby Sandwiches. We have curries available too, but we couldn’t come up with many good names for them. Oh, and for dessert, our Sundae Bloody Sundae will satisfy anyone with a sweet tooth.”

Local Man Steaphen Dochairte explained that he looked forward to the new eatery opening.

“Like many people, I claim to have Irish heritage, so this really strikes a chord with me and will feel a lot like home – the Port – which does feel a lot like Ireland during the 1970s. I’ve seen the menu and can’t wait to try the Chicken Sinn Fein washed down with a pint of Martin McGuinness.”

Along with setting bigotry in Inverclyde back a generation, it will provide new jobs for the area.

“We’ll be on the lookout for chefs and table waiting staff. We’ve also signed up to the government’s Modern Apprenticeship scheme, so will be employing a group of “Apprentice Boys” to learn the tricks of the trade. And if any children don’t like the food, don’t worry – we’ll simply have someone in a balaclava rush to your table take the food away then bury it in an unmarked grave in a field and never tell your relatives.”

 
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