Fridge cemetery
Greenock News

Cold storage

An amateur metallurgist from Leven Road has told the Indie that he has discovered the site of Greenock’s fabled fridge cemetery. Although it’s pretty straightforward to get rid of washing machines and cookers, it’s been much more difficult to get rid of a fridge leading to fly-tipping on an industrial scale. For many years there […]

News Gourock

Café now serving shit coffee

A new Gourock Café is to start serving Kopi Luwak, which is sourced from the shit of a cat-like mammal in Indonesia. In an attempt to appeal to an ever-more demanding Gourock public, newly opened Mugs ‘n’ Jugs is to introduce the jobby flavoured coffee from next week. “We’ve bought in the Kopi Luwak to […]

SALT and VINEGAR?
Politics News Food and Drink

SALT and VINEGAR?

The Scottish Government are to introduce legislation that will see takeaways being required to keep salt and vinegar behind screens. Staff will no longer be able to ask hungry punters if they would like “salt and vinegar?” on their tasty suppers, instead only adding the condiments if they are asked. “Plenty salt” is to be […]

Heatwave!
Weather Magazine

HEATWAVE!

The Met Office has issued a Yellow Warning for high temperatures as the mercury looks set to soar to 28˚C over the next few days. Temperatures much like those people enjoy when they go on holiday in Mediterranean countries are regarded in the UK to be too dangerous to trust people to put on a […]

CO2 Shortage
News

CO2 SHORTAGE: Drinkers demand priority over food industry

Amid reports that poultry and pork suppliers have requested priority over the drinks industry for CO2 supplies, British drinkers are demanding that beer and cider be given dibs on whatever supplies are available. Malky “the alkie” McPherson of Inverclyde led calls for the precious gas to be given to drinks firms saying, “The weather is […]

Wemyss Bay by the sea
News Wemyss Bay & Skelmorlie

Looking for Offers

Looking for a move to Wemyss Bay? A report has been published showing that houses for sale are on the increase as more and more properties are springing up for sale every week, keeping estate agents busy, as well as divorce lawyers as more and more couples are separating. Wemyss Bay is a close-knit community […]

Politics News

New Passport for Gammons

Following quickly on the heels of the refusal to permit gender-neutral passports in the UK, the government are to introduce special passports for the more reactionary elements of society. The new passport will be based on pet passports in honour of the British Bulldog spirit and the passport holder will be required to be microchipped […]

A Grandmother from Port Glasgow has joined the mafia. 
News The Port Local Bampots

Port Granny joins The Mafia

By Johnny Beef Bullingdon, this fuckin’ guy! “HAVE ANOTHER BISCUIT OR I’LL BLOW YOUR MOTHER FUCKING HEAD OFF” A Grandmother from Port Glasgow has joined the mafia.  The Indie learns that Betty ‘MoMo’ Morrison, 76, from Upper Port Glasgow, took up with the Cosa Nostra syndicate earlier this year and has been conducting criminal activity […]