Sport

A Kick in the Sack

Inverclyde Leisure has sacked Santa after top wigs discovered they were paying him for 48 weeks a year when he was absent from work.

However, Santa, resting at his summer home in Millport, blasted back at what he says are false allegations:
“Yeah I don’t work 48 weeks a year but I work my arse off in December. Inverclyde Leisure pay me for 4 hours works, that keeps me in beer and fags all year but I’m doing 7 days for 15 hours a day just before Xmas – some of its unpaid work, they even had the cheek to say I could still do ALL of it on voluntary basis, I told them to shove it up their arse”

In the letter, Inverclyde Leisure claimed they couldn’t afford to pay him any longer saying ‘Inverclyde Leisure can no longer provide a one-horse open sleigh. Staff will have to pay for their own carrots and milk’.

An insider claimed “The workplace had turned into Jingle Hell”.

And Santa has his suspicions who is behind his dismissal “I reckon its that lot at the municipal buildings” he said “they should watch who they are messing with, I’ve still got their wish lists from when they were kids, I’ve got McCabe wanting a Barbie doll when he was five and that nationalist windbag request for the bear out of Toy Story 4 cos it looked like Alex Salmond! I mean for fucksake he was a grown adult when that film came out.”

Santa explained, “Normally kids go on the naughty or nice list, here I have an obnoxious list as well, the kids on it, well you can bet they will grow up to work for the council.”

Asking Santa for a final word he said
“Tell that Natasha Murphy to stop sending hate mail to my elves”.

We asked Inverclyde Leisure for their side of the argument however when they found out we worked for the Independent they ran into a staff room only putting their heads out to ask if we knew how to spell “misunderstanding”.

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