Amid reports that poultry and pork suppliers have requested priority over the drinks industry for CO2 supplies, British drinkers are demanding that beer and cider be given dibs on whatever supplies are available.
Malky “the alkie” McPherson of Inverclyde led calls for the precious gas to be given to drinks firms saying, “The weather is brilliant this week, who wants to eat a lot when it’s this good out? We’re demanding that we can continue to get pissed up – and everybody knows that eating’s cheating. If you get hungry you can always get chips and gravy out of the chippie.”
CO2 suppliers across the UK and Europe have scaled back operations for maintenance which has led to shortages of the gas, used in many different aspects of the food and drinks industries.
Heineken are already warning that some of their brands have been hit and Bookers wholesalers are rationing supplies of beers and ciders to their customers. Morrisons have announced that some of their frozen foods are unavailable saying they hope to get back to normal “as soon as possible”.
Hardcore drinkers are bracing themselves to switch to fortified wines and just having fresh orange in their vodka and real ale drinkers are more smug than usual since the stuff they drink is as flat as a pancake as well as served warm.
Carling is not thought to be affected as that stuff is just piss water anyway.