Greenock Weather News The Port Gourock Magazine

Puddles of Fun

“I’ve been wet as an otter’s pocket all week”

Pharmaceutical companies are pleased to announce the arrival of over the counter sales of the female arousal pill ‘Niagara’

The new drug has made a splash in Inverclyde with ladies reporting flow of 3160 tons per minute.

We spoke to some ladies outside the chemist who told the Indie things have been sloshy.

Betty Bovril from Gourock is happy as Larry

“I’ve done my whole giro on batteries in the last week. My carpet could do with a clean and my Jim has been walking around with a big smile on his chit. God bless you, Niagara”

Nigela Slushbucket from Larkfield has said she can’t keep up with the laundry

“I had to change my bedsheets three times last week. Ma mattress is just a huge sponge now. It’s practically a home-made water bed. The weans have made a water slide in the garden. It’s hours of fun!”

Tanjy Gloopta from Port Glasgow has said her husband has cancelled all his business trips

“We’ve been pumping the pumps the whole of this week. I’m dripping like a nan dipped in Rogan Josh. I’ve been greasing Raj’s pole like he’s never had before. Thank you, Niagara”.

Please follow and like us: