If any locals are bored in their current job and are interested in an exciting and challenging new career, The Royal Family and British State are now inviting applications for the Lord Lieutenant of Renfrewshire.
Retiring incumbent Old Etonian Guy Clark, 74, tells us he’s had a whale of a time. A tapestry no less. His last proper job was in 1967 in the army and since then he’s basically faffed around on a string of honorary positions and pretending he was a judge.
His biggest claim to fame was as bag carrier to the Duke of Norfolk during his army service.
He recalls vividly Sir Winston Churchill’s funeral and it was around that time his balls dropped as he gazed on a gun carriage.
In his time, he has been involved in three, yes three, Royal visits and sent loads of 100th birthday cards.
He got the job when his grandfather retired.
But! In modern Britain, employment rules mean that the job is now open to all, so send us your applications to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll post our favourite ones on the page.