Greenock News Local Bampots

Alcoholic Orangeman refuses to drink on St Patrick’s Day

Paddy’s day. It’s a hoot, isn’t it? Funny hats, green pints of beer and people still getting wankered even though they have work in the morning.

But it will certainly be no fun for Orangeman, Billy McBarr, 56 from Greenock.

Billy, a member of the Orange Lodge and registered alcoholic is refusing to have even a sniff of a pint.

We spoke to Billy while he was puking in the toilet.

“Fucking Plastic Paddy CUNTS •bluhhhg• I hate the bastards. I drink every single •huueeeug• day but I’ll be fucked if I’m joining in with these •raaaauuh• fenian •bllllueegh• cunts. I’d rather have the fucking shakes. I’ve been puking and sweating like a choir boy in Rome since about 10am. I usually •raaaarrrrh• start the day with a rum and coke. Then I •ughhhffgaaaa• move on to lager and gin till about 8 o’clock. After that I drink straight… wait wait •AHHHHUGHHHH BLEEEERRRUU HAAUURRGHH PAH TOOOO UGHHH•.

“Whiskey. Sorry. I’m shaking like fuck here. Fuck them all. I hope their big hats fall over their eyes and they get hit by a fucking truck. No surr •uhhhhhh• ender to this shite. I’ll probably start hallucinating at about half nine but I’d rather that than be a plastic Paddy cunt.”

Cheers, Billy! Brush your teeth and have a lucozade

We hope you are all having a lovely Paddy’s day. It’s a good craic ta be sure. Slange Var!!

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