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BREAKING: Time’s up, EU drops BREXIT Deal

Everyone’s favourite alcoholic Jean-Claude Juncker has sensationally told Theresa May she can ‘äre Stéck op Äert Bottom’ in an explosive phone call after the latest fiasco over Brexit.

With 650 MPs, who constantly remind us that they are deserving of their £70k plus expenses package, completely incapable of that most important political capacity of compromise, unable once again to agree on anything, EU bosses have finally had enough.

Tomorrow will, after all, be Brexit day and on Saturday morning forced deportations will begin on continental Europe as Brits are sent packing with a boot firmly up the arse.

Speaking exclusively to the Indie, Juncker slurred ‘I’ve been trying to get into her pants for two years now, but she is as frigid as Han Solo at the end of The Empire Strikes Back. I’m going back to trying to get a pump at Herr Merckel and the Brits can gitt séier Scraube. Is that a Bordeaux you aren’t finishing Mai léift?’ Before hurrying off to try and drop a roofie in Angela Merckel’s stein.

 
 
 
 
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