Greenock News Local Bampots

Alcoholic Orangeman refuses to drink on St Patrick’s Day

Paddy’s day. It’s a hoot, isn’t it? Funny hats, green pints of beer and people still getting wankered even though they have work in the morning. But it will certainly be no fun for Orangeman, Billy McBarr, 56 from Greenock. Billy, a member of the Orange Lodge and registered alcoholic is refusing to have even […]

Greenock News

Greenock has been cancelled

It has been announced 2019 will be the last season of Greenock. The long-running town has seen plummeting population numbers in recent years, which is one of the main reasons for the cancellation. A council spokesman said, “Every cunt’s bolting! It’s at the point now where we’ve almost got more card shops than people. Fuck’s […]

News The Port Kilmacolm

Kilmacolm to build a wall and Port Glasgow will pay for it

By Johnny Beef Bullingdon, Border Control desk The sleepy town of Kilmacolm has it all. Farms, a pub, some nice shops and very nice scenery. But what Kilmacolm is best known for is its border with Port Glasgow. Known for drugs, alcohol abuse, drugs and terrible working class people. Who take drugs. That been said, […]

Greenock News Food and Drink

Big Trouble in Little China Garden

by Johnny ‘Beef’ Bullingdon, Crime Desk Reports of a brawl last night in Greenock’s favourite Peking and Cantonese hot spot have been pouring in to The Inverclyde Independent. According to local man ‘Duggie Thomson’ the fight was started, apparently, by none other than Hollywood action-hero ‘Kurt Russell’. Mr Thomson tells us he witnessed the incident […]