Oot the road
Greenock News Drug Watch

BREAKING: Inverclyde to go dry for ten minutes as Police raid ‘Oot the Road’

Tonight, Greenock Police, mobbed up, in about 50 million meat wagons busted ‘Oot the Road’. Drugs were seized and arrests were made. Local dealer, Wully Broon, 13, gave the Indie the exclusive. “They came in like the Charge oh the Light Brigade. Helicopters the lot. They’ll be shouting that they’ve heavy claimed aw the drugs […]

The Cthulhu Mythos Greenock News Magazine

More house painting problems for planners

By Dick Beavers, Yog Sothoth fan Finnart Street resident Mr Shub Niggurath has outraged planning bosses by painting his house a shade of light-consuming black which devours all that surrounds it. Without first seeking proper planning permission. The house can no longer be reached by humans as there is a 10 yard void surrounding the […]

SALT and VINEGAR?
Politics News Food and Drink

SALT and VINEGAR?

The Scottish Government are to introduce legislation that will see takeaways being required to keep salt and vinegar behind screens. Staff will no longer be able to ask hungry punters if they would like “salt and vinegar?” on their tasty suppers, instead only adding the condiments if they are asked. “Plenty salt” is to be […]

Heatwave!
Weather Magazine

HEATWAVE!

The Met Office has issued a Yellow Warning for high temperatures as the mercury looks set to soar to 28˚C over the next few days. Temperatures much like those people enjoy when they go on holiday in Mediterranean countries are regarded in the UK to be too dangerous to trust people to put on a […]

Magazine Ranting

The Sweet Smell of Success

By Dick Beavers, Seat Wetter Back when I was a cub reporter I worked for a very obnoxious editor. He would throw the toys out of the pram at every opportunity, shout and ball at everyone and generally just be a prick. One day, I’d decided enough was enough and wanted revenge. And I got […]

Greenock News Food and Drink

Big Trouble in Little China Garden

by Johnny ‘Beef’ Bullingdon, Crime Desk Reports of a brawl last night in Greenock’s favourite Peking and Cantonese hot spot have been pouring in to The Inverclyde Independent. According to local man ‘Duggie Thomson’ the fight was started, apparently, by none other than Hollywood action-hero ‘Kurt Russell’. Mr Thomson tells us he witnessed the incident […]