Gourock Pool, yesterday
News Gourock

New rules at Gourock Pool

New infection control rules at Gourock Outdoor Pool. Due to the scorching weather, Gourock pool has been absolutely hoaching. In an effort to prevent an increase in the spread of verrucas, Inverclyde Leisure are insisting everyone, including those not swimming, wear verruca socks. You know those white rubber socks that one person at school swimming […]

News Gourock

Café now serving shit coffee

A new Gourock Café is to start serving Kopi Luwak, which is sourced from the shit of a cat-like mammal in Indonesia. In an attempt to appeal to an ever-more demanding Gourock public, newly opened Mugs ‘n’ Jugs is to introduce the jobby flavoured coffee from next week. “We’ve bought in the Kopi Luwak to […]

News Gourock ScotRail

Confusion as man of indiscriminate racial origin seen getting on train

There was shock and confusion today on the Wemyss Bay line when a man got on the train at Whinhill and alighted from Branchton. One spokesman for First ScotRail said “Have you ever heard the word alighted away from a train station? Can you alight from a bus? I’m away to get a dictionary” Shocked commuter Inigo […]