Greenock News Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent editors argue about the collective noun for people from The Strone. Stronian? Stronish? Strogins? Stroge Ins?

Local single mother Aggie McSenga, fae The Strone, has got in touch with your only trustworthy local news source The Inverclyde Independent to demand action after River Clyde Homes refused to send in Rentokil for a mouse infestation, telling her – “Your boggin kitchen is the reason you have mice, ya clatty bastard”. She said, […]

Morton Greenock News Football Sport Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent Banned From Morton Facebook Page

In news scarily reminiscent of the Hugh Scott era Greenock Morton have banned Greenock’s ONLY reliable source of football news from their facebook page. We asked a senior staff member at Cappielow, who recently cost the club thousands of pounds by not being able to check the fucking rules about players playing for three clubs […]

Greenock News

Larkfield to be twinned with Sarajevo’s Alipašino polje-A Faza district

In a boost to the Larkfield Tourist Board they have scooped a twinning agreement with Alipašino polje-A Faza in Sarajevo which could double the amount of yearly visitors to the Greenock council estate. Up to 4 people a year could make the journey to see such sites as “The Magic Roundabout”, “Angus Road Post Office” […]

Greenock News

Inverclyde Independent Goes Yellow In Support of Yellow Hoose

To show our support for the Yellow Hoose owners, and all house owners who don’t follow planning permission guidelines and think they’re better than other people, we will be going yellow this week and have also teamed up with McGill’s buses (because fuck going up against them. We don’t have the insurance for that) to […]

Politics Greenock News

Local councillor slaps child for painting a yellow house

Little did little “Little” Steve Richards know but when he picked up a crayon to colour in his picture at nursery his day would end with a black eye delivered by the “ring hand” of local councillor Innes Nelson. After a visit to a local nursery the hyperactive little shit asked the councillor repeatedly if […]

Greenock News Local Bampots

Greenock Man Becomes Father. Makes him instant expert on everything.

10 months ago Steven Farcage Jnr shot his load up a lassie and in the 5 weeks since the birth of his child, Steven Farcage Jnr Jnr, he has developed an outstanding ability to be an expert on all matters. “The first thing was when the missus was talking about nappies. I’d never changed a […]

Greenock News

Oak Mall voted Top Shopping Destination by readers of “Greeting Cards Monthly” Magazine

Greenock’s Oak Mall has been voted top shopping destination by the readers of Greeting Cards Monthly. A recent poll voted Inverclyde’s second-top indoor shopping centre (second only to the Stewart Centre) as Britain’s best place to buy greetings cards, with literally dozens of choices within a 300m radius which cater to all sorts of occasions, […]