Greenock News Food and Drink

Big Trouble in Little China Garden

by Johnny ‘Beef’ Bullingdon, Crime Desk Reports of a brawl last night in Greenock’s favourite Peking and Cantonese hot spot have been pouring in to The Inverclyde Independent. According to local man ‘Duggie Thomson’ the fight was started, apparently, by none other than Hollywood action-hero ‘Kurt Russell’. Mr Thomson tells us he witnessed the incident […]

Greenock News Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent editors argue about the collective noun for people from The Strone. Stronian? Stronish? Strogins? Stroge Ins?

Local single mother Aggie McSenga, fae The Strone, has got in touch with your only trustworthy local news source The Inverclyde Independent to demand action after River Clyde Homes refused to send in Rentokil for a mouse infestation, telling her – “Your boggin kitchen is the reason you have mice, ya clatty bastard”. She said, […]

Morton Greenock News Football Sport Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent Banned From Morton Facebook Page

In news scarily reminiscent of the Hugh Scott era Greenock Morton have banned Greenock’s ONLY reliable source of football news from their facebook page. We asked a senior staff member at Cappielow, who recently cost the club thousands of pounds by not being able to check the fucking rules about players playing for three clubs […]

Greenock News

Larkfield to be twinned with Sarajevo’s Alipašino polje-A Faza district

In a boost to the Larkfield Tourist Board they have scooped a twinning agreement with Alipašino polje-A Faza in Sarajevo which could double the amount of yearly visitors to the Greenock council estate. Up to 4 people a year could make the journey to see such sites as “The Magic Roundabout”, “Angus Road Post Office” […]

Greenock News

Inverclyde Independent Goes Yellow In Support of Yellow Hoose

To show our support for the Yellow Hoose owners, and all house owners who don’t follow planning permission guidelines and think they’re better than other people, we will be going yellow this week and have also teamed up with McGill’s buses (because fuck going up against them. We don’t have the insurance for that) to […]

Politics Greenock News

Local councillor slaps child for painting a yellow house

Little did little “Little” Steve Richards know but when he picked up a crayon to colour in his picture at nursery his day would end with a black eye delivered by the “ring hand” of local councillor Innes Nelson. After a visit to a local nursery the hyperactive little shit asked the councillor repeatedly if […]