Greenock News Local Bampots

Alcoholic Orangeman refuses to drink on St Patrick’s Day

Paddy’s day. It’s a hoot, isn’t it? Funny hats, green pints of beer and people still getting wankered even though they have work in the morning. But it will certainly be no fun for Orangeman, Billy McBarr, 56 from Greenock. Billy, a member of the Orange Lodge and registered alcoholic is refusing to have even […]

A Grandmother from Port Glasgow has joined the mafia. 
News The Port Local Bampots

Port Granny joins The Mafia

By Johnny Beef Bullingdon, this fuckin’ guy! “HAVE ANOTHER BISCUIT OR I’LL BLOW YOUR MOTHER FUCKING HEAD OFF” A Grandmother from Port Glasgow has joined the mafia.  The Indie learns that Betty ‘MoMo’ Morrison, 76, from Upper Port Glasgow, took up with the Cosa Nostra syndicate earlier this year and has been conducting criminal activity […]

Greenock News Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent editors argue about the collective noun for people from The Strone. Stronian? Stronish? Strogins? Stroge Ins?

Local single mother Aggie McSenga, fae The Strone, has got in touch with your only trustworthy local news source The Inverclyde Independent to demand action after River Clyde Homes refused to send in Rentokil for a mouse infestation, telling her – “Your boggin kitchen is the reason you have mice, ya clatty bastard”. She said, […]

News Magazine Local Bampots Ranting

Angus MacBile outs the scum of Inverclyde.

In another regular segment we have asked roving reporter Angus MacBile, pictured above, to go out and find the scummiest cunts in all over Inverclyde and, at a push, Skelmorlie. Today he lets us know about one vile cretin who, we all agree, is worse than the Yorkshire Ripper and only half as handsome. Community […]

Politics News Local Bampots

Council infighting damages Inverclyde council’s twitter sign!

Shockwaves were felt in the chambers at Inverclyde Council this afternoon as arch-rivals and social media enemies Councillors McEleny and McCabe attempted to out-troll each other over their favourite pet projects. After an afternoon of noising each other up on Twitter and trying desperately to get attention on Facebook, they each submitted proposals at the […]

News Football Sport Local Bampots

Local Rangers Supporter Lambasts Local Italians

Lifelong Rangers and Sevco supporter Billy Krowbar has been cautioned by police after a furious exchange with some local Scots-Italians. Just before boarding the Rangers supporter’s bus to Fife, bypassing the home grounds of Greenock Juniors, Greenock Morton and Port Glasgow juniors, all before he left the council area he has lived all his life, […]