Greenock News Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent editors argue about the collective noun for people from The Strone. Stronian? Stronish? Strogins? Stroge Ins?

Local single mother Aggie McSenga, fae The Strone, has got in touch with your only trustworthy local news source The Inverclyde Independent to demand action after River Clyde Homes refused to send in Rentokil for a mouse infestation, telling her – “Your boggin kitchen is the reason you have mice, ya clatty bastard”. She said, […]

News Magazine Local Bampots Ranting

Angus MacBile outs the scum of Inverclyde.

In another regular segment we have asked roving reporter Angus MacBile, pictured above, to go out and find the scummiest cunts in all over Inverclyde and, at a push, Skelmorlie. Today he lets us know about one vile cretin who, we all agree, is worse than the Yorkshire Ripper and only half as handsome. Community […]

Politics News Local Bampots

Council infighting damages Inverclyde council’s twitter sign!

Shockwaves were felt in the chambers at Inverclyde Council this afternoon as arch-rivals and social media enemies Councillors McEleny and McCabe attempted to out-troll each other over their favourite pet projects. After an afternoon of noising each other up on Twitter and trying desperately to get attention on Facebook, they each submitted proposals at the […]

News Football Sport Local Bampots

Local Rangers Supporter Lambasts Local Italians

Lifelong Rangers and Sevco supporter Billy Krowbar has been cautioned by police after a furious exchange with some local Scots-Italians. Just before boarding the Rangers supporter’s bus to Fife, bypassing the home grounds of Greenock Juniors, Greenock Morton and Port Glasgow juniors, all before he left the council area he has lived all his life, […]

Politics News Local Bampots

Local Councillor To Remain in Place After Bizarre Deodorant Accident

Cllr Michael McCormick has vowed to continue his work in improving lives of his ward constituents despite a bizarre accident after using his wife’s deodorant when in a rush before work today. “I’d just came out the shower and was in a rush so picked up the wife’s BO Spray and within an hour my […]

Morton Greenock News Football Sport Local Bampots

Inverclyde Independent Banned From Morton Facebook Page

In news scarily reminiscent of the Hugh Scott era Greenock Morton have banned Greenock’s ONLY reliable source of football news from their facebook page. We asked a senior staff member at Cappielow, who recently cost the club thousands of pounds by not being able to check the fucking rules about players playing for three clubs […]

News Local Bampots

Greenock loses new health centre after drugs scandal

Greenock’s less trustworthy and more absorbent newspaper, The Greenock Telegraph, has today reported that Greenock has beaten Clydebank in the race to have a new health centre but Inverclyde Indepedent’s sources say that Greenock will be suspended and disqualified after the Provost failed a mandatory drugs test after the race. According to IOC drug testing […]

News Kilmacolm Local Bampots

Kilmacolm man ostracised after munching peasant food

A Kilmacolm man has surprised members of his community by eating a Scotch pie. David Foster, 36, a payroll administrator, said: “I took the Lexus through to Greenock for the afternoon, just to see how the other half live. There were lots of fat people and huddled over pensioners in that…that shopping centre they have […]