Juncker bell
Politics News

BREAKING: Time’s up, EU drops BREXIT Deal

Everyone’s favourite alcoholic Jean-Claude Juncker has sensationally told Theresa May she can ‘äre Stéck op Äert Bottom’ in an explosive phone call after the latest fiasco over Brexit. With 650 MPs, who constantly remind us that they are deserving of their £70k plus expenses package, completely incapable of that most important political capacity of compromise, […]

Angry Brits
Politics News

People who voted to protect British Sovereignty getting angrier at British Law

There’s a bit of a hoo-hah doon in England as the various racists, mugs and wallopers who voted to save British Sovereignty realise they’ve shat over their country’s economy and children’s future for a sovereignty they don’t even like. “I was sick of the EU meddling in British Law, even tho’ I don’t have an […]

Joseph Goebbels
Politics News

Arebeit Macht Frei

Theresa May has today called on MPs of all parties to be ’democrats and patriots’ and support her deal. She has also asked for an ‘honourable compromise’ which is, in effect, for them to salvage her twice failed deal with no changes. Meanwhile the Chancellor has refused to confirm the nutjobs in the DUP will […]

Politics News

May in BREXIT deal with DUP

Theresa May is to announce a coalition with the DUP next week as she shamelessly seeks to get her deal through Parliament for the third time unchanged. The craven harlot will prove beyond doubt that there is no depth she won’t sink to, as she clings on to power while the Tory Party tears itself […]

Politics Greenock News

Outrage as Council bring in gardening fees at Crematorium

Following outrage at Inverclyde Council demanding repair fees for headstones at Inverclyde cemeteries, there is new fury as people scattering loved ones ashes at the Garden of Remembrance are to have an annual gardening fee levied to cover the cost of raking the dead into the soil. Desperate council bosses have brought in the costs […]

SALT and VINEGAR?
Politics News Food and Drink

SALT and VINEGAR?

The Scottish Government are to introduce legislation that will see takeaways being required to keep salt and vinegar behind screens. Staff will no longer be able to ask hungry punters if they would like “salt and vinegar?” on their tasty suppers, instead only adding the condiments if they are asked. “Plenty salt” is to be […]

Politics News

New Passport for Gammons

Following quickly on the heels of the refusal to permit gender-neutral passports in the UK, the government are to introduce special passports for the more reactionary elements of society. The new passport will be based on pet passports in honour of the British Bulldog spirit and the passport holder will be required to be microchipped […]

Cllr McCabe hates us
Politics Greenock News

Trickle Down Economics 101

Inverkip’s primary 7 pupils were treated to economics in action when they visited the town buildings last week. Councillor McCabe explained to the Indie, “We always enjoy having the kids here but this lot were being extremely disruptive. Normally the kids enjoy the sightseeing trip seeing the Council’s gold reserves and the non-poll tax payer’s […]

Politics News Local Bampots

Council infighting damages Inverclyde council’s twitter sign!

Shockwaves were felt in the chambers at Inverclyde Council this afternoon as arch-rivals and social media enemies Councillors McEleny and McCabe attempted to out-troll each other over their favourite pet projects. After an afternoon of noising each other up on Twitter and trying desperately to get attention on Facebook, they each submitted proposals at the […]

Politics News Local Bampots

Local Councillor To Remain in Place After Bizarre Deodorant Accident

Cllr Michael McCormick has vowed to continue his work in improving lives of his ward constituents despite a bizarre accident after using his wife’s deodorant when in a rush before work today. “I’d just came out the shower and was in a rush so picked up the wife’s BO Spray and within an hour my […]