Sport

A Kick in the Sack

Inverclyde Leisure has sacked Santa after top wigs discovered they were paying him for 48 weeks a year when he was absent from work. However, Santa, resting at his summer home in Millport, blasted back at what he says are false allegations: “Yeah I don’t work 48 weeks a year but I work my arse […]

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Local Rangers Supporter Lambasts Local Italians

Lifelong Rangers and Sevco supporter Billy Krowbar has been cautioned by police after a furious exchange with some local Scots-Italians. Just before boarding the Rangers supporter’s bus to Fife, bypassing the home grounds of Greenock Juniors, Greenock Morton and Port Glasgow juniors, all before he left the council area he has lived all his life, […]

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Inverclyde Independent Banned From Morton Facebook Page

In news scarily reminiscent of the Hugh Scott era Greenock Morton have banned Greenock’s ONLY reliable source of football news from their facebook page. We asked a senior staff member at Cappielow, who recently cost the club thousands of pounds by not being able to check the fucking rules about players playing for three clubs […]

Morton Football Sport

Morton Defender Scalds Goalkeeper in Training Ground Prank

Breaking news from Parklea today as it appears Thomas O’Ware might be getting a hefty fine from management after a training ground prank left French goalkeeper Nicolas Caraux needing hospital treatment for 2nd degree burns. In these pictures, retweeted by Derek Gaston, it appears O’Ware told Caraux his French shinpads were now illegal and he would […]

Morton Football Sport

Former Morton star fails in bid to overcome tide

After three weeks of training and constant speculation a small, but vocal crowd, of four hundred and thirty-three thousand four hundred and eighty-six followers of Nacho Novo were left disappointed when, despite his best efforts, he was unable from stopping the tide at the Firth of Clyde just down from Parklea. “I really thought he […]